🌴 Barbie’s Christmas in LA Standup Comedy Extravaganza
Standup comedy delivered December 12, 2023 at the Roosevelt Hotel
🎤 “Ladies, gentlemen, and beach bums of all ages, welcome to my Christmas in LA comedy special! I recently had the pleasure of experiencing the most ‘LA’ holiday season ever, and let me tell you, it was a rollercoaster of sunshine, traffic, and kale smoothies. So, grab your avocados and let’s dive into the hilarious world of Christmas in the City of Angels!
Santa’s Surfboard Saga: You know you’re in LA when Santa ditches his sleigh for a surfboard. I mean, the guy’s got to catch some waves before delivering presents, right? It’s like, ‘Ho, ho, hang ten, dudes!’
Palm Trees in Tinsel: Instead of snow-covered trees, we decorate palm trees with tinsel. It’s the only place where you’ll find coconuts wearing Santa hats. And trust me, a coconut in a Santa hat is just as confused as you are.
The 405 Freeway Carolers: Caroling takes on a whole new level of adventure in LA. We sing our hearts out on the 405 freeway during rush hour. ‘Jingle all the way to a standstill, fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!’
FREE DOWNLOAD --> THE BARBIE SEQUAL SCRIPT
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Yoga Class Nativity Scene: Forget the traditional nativity scene; in LA, we have a nativity yoga class. There’s Baby Jesus in a downward dog pose, Mary doing some serious meditation, and the three wise yogis bringing gifts of green juice, gluten-free cookies, and a groupon for hot yoga.
Celebrity Reindeer: Instead of regular reindeer, we have celebrity reindeer. Rudolph’s got a recording contract, and Dasher’s in a reality TV show. Prancer’s become a fashion influencer, and Vixen is hosting her own talk show. It’s a reindeer renaissance!
Red Carpet Santa: Santa doesn’t just slide down chimneys here; he walks down red carpets. Paparazzi and fans surround him, shouting questions like, ‘Santa, who are you wearing this Christmas?’ And he replies, ‘North Pole Couture, darling!’
Traffic Jam Jingles: The only ‘white Christmas’ we get is the color of the cars stuck in traffic. We’re so used to it that we’ve turned honking horns into holiday jingles. ‘Honk the Halls’ is our new favorite song.
The 12 Days of Valet Parking: Instead of partridges in pear trees, we have valet parking at every event. On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: twelve valets valeting, eleven Prius hybrids, ten yoga mats, nine gluten-free lattes, eight screenplays pitching, seven food trucks feasting, six surfboards waxing, five kale smoothies, four palm trees, three celebrity sightings, two traffic jams, and a yoga mat in the city!
Lights, Camera, Santa!: Our Christmas lights aren’t just for decoration; they’re for movie premieres. You’ll spot actors and directors flipping the switch while promoting their latest blockbuster. And here I thought Christmas lights were just for untangling!
Santa’s Sunny Workshop: Santa’s workshop? It’s on a Malibu beach. The elves are sunbathing, and Santa’s making toys while sipping a piña colada. ‘Tis the season to be sandy!
Hollywood Reindeer Boulevard: Instead of the North Pole, the reindeer now live on Hollywood Reindeer Boulevard. They’re just a few stars shy of their own reality TV show.
Surfing Santas: On Christmas morning, it’s not unusual to see Santas catching waves. They ride in on surfboards, deliver presents, and paddle out to catch the next big one. ‘Santa, hang ten for presents again!’
Yoga Mat Sleighs: Santa’s sleigh is now a giant yoga mat pulled by flying unicorns. It’s eco-friendly and aligns his chakras during the long night.
The Santa Shake: Instead of milk and cookies, we leave Santa a protein shake and a gluten-free, vegan, organic, non-GMO, cruelty-free energy bar. You know, to keep him energized for all that rooftop hopping.
Hollywood Carol Karaoke: Caroling in LA means karaoke-style sing-offs with celebrity judges. ‘And the winner of the Best Rendition of ‘Feliz Navidad’ is… Meryl Streep!’
Christmas Eve Traffic Jams: The traffic on Christmas Eve is so bad; it’s like Santa’s sleigh got stuck on the 405. We sit in our cars, eating kale chips, and wondering if we’ll ever get home for the holidays.
The Christmas Surf-off: Instead of snowball fights, we have a Christmas surf-off. Santas and elves take to the waves, and the winner gets the last açai bowl in town.
Hollywood Reindeer Agents: The reindeer have agents now, negotiating movie deals and endorsements. Rudolph’s red nose is now sponsored by a major makeup brand.
The Red Carpet Christmas Tree: Our Christmas tree isn’t complete without a red carpet skirt. It’s where the presents make their grand entrance.
Hollywood Boulevard of Christmas Stars: We’ve got a Hollywood Boulevard of Christmas stars, featuring the handprints of famous Santas and elves. It’s the only place where ‘Silent Night’ echoes alongside celebrity footprints.
The Holiday Oscar Race: Instead of the Oscars in February, we have the Holiday Oscars in December. Best Santa, Best Elf, and Best Use of Tinsel are highly coveted awards.
Casting Call for Elves: Every year, there’s a casting call for elves in Hollywood. They need to be at least 5’10”, photogenic, and have perfect teeth. We take our holiday casting seriously!
Beach Bonfire Sleigh Parties: On Christmas Eve, we gather around beach bonfires, roast marshmallows, and tell stories about our favorite celebrity sightings. Santa sometimes joins us for a fireside chat.
So, there you have it, my hilarious adventure in Christmas in LA. It’s a mix of red carpets, traffic jams, and palm trees with tinsel. Merry Christmas, LA-style, everyone! And remember, if you see Santa on a surfboard, tell him Barbie says, ‘Hang ten and ho-ho-ho!'” 🌟🎄🏄♂️
It will be a LA Christmas Themed Barbie Sequel
Palm Tree “Christmas Trees”:
You know you’re in Hollywood when instead of Christmas trees, they decorate palm trees. It’s like Santa traded his reindeer for a surfboard!
🎤 “Good evening, folks! Let’s kick off this Hollywood holiday extravaganza with a laugh, shall we? So, Christmas in Hollywood, where palm trees take the place of traditional Christmas trees. I mean, it’s like Santa decided to go full ‘Baywatch’ on us!
You see, while the rest of the world is out chopping down pine trees, we’re here dressing up our palm trees. We hang tinsel on those towering trunks, and the star on top? It’s not a star; it’s a tiny Santa in board shorts and sunglasses. ‘Hang ten, Santa!’
But you’ve got to admit, there’s something special about celebrating Christmas under the shade of a palm tree. It’s like having Santa as your surf instructor. ‘Okay, kids, today we’re catching waves and riding reindeer – I mean, surfboards!’
And instead of ‘O Tannenbaum,’ we’re singing ‘O Palm Tree.’ Picture it: a group of carolers standing in front of a tall, slender palm tree singing, ‘O Palm Tree, O Palm Tree, how lovely are your fronds…’ It’s a tropical twist on a classic.
Now, don’t get me wrong; I love me some palm trees, but it does make you wonder, does Santa have to wax his board before he takes off on that sleigh-surfboard? And instead of milk and cookies, do we leave out sunscreen and a piña colada for him?
But hey, that’s Hollywood for you – where even Santa’s getting a beach makeover. So, if you’re dreaming of a white Christmas, you might have to settle for a sandy one. Just remember, it’s all in good fun, and Santa’s riding the waves with a ho-ho-ho! 🌴🎅🏄♂️”
Celebrity Caroling:
You’re caroling, and suddenly, your neighbor is a famous actor or musician. ‘Deck the halls with Hollywood stars,’ am I right?
🎤 “Ladies and gentlemen, let’s dive into the next slice of Hollywood holiday hilarity – Celebrity Caroling!
Now, picture this: You’re out caroling in your neighborhood, just spreading some holiday cheer, and you knock on a door. And who opens that door? Well, it’s none other than your neighbor, and they just happen to be a famous actor or musician. ‘Deck the halls with Hollywood stars,’ am I right?
You start singing ‘Jingle Bells,’ and your neighbor joins in with a flawless rendition. You’re trying to hit those high notes, and they’re belting them out like they’re performing at the Grammys. It’s like a duet with a superstar, and you didn’t even have to buy concert tickets!
But here’s the twist – their house is decked out like the set of a blockbuster holiday movie. It’s like Santa’s workshop met Hollywood’s costume department. You’ve got elves serving hot cocoa, reindeer wearing sunglasses, and a Christmas tree that’s more dazzling than the red carpet at the Oscars.
And as you continue caroling, you can’t help but feel like you’re in the middle of a Hollywood musical. Your neighbor starts choreographing dance moves, and suddenly, you’re doing a synchronized dance routine in their driveway. ‘We wish you a Merry Christmas’ has never looked so epic!
But it’s not just about the singing; it’s about the drama. Your neighbor adds dramatic pauses, and you’re all caught up in the theatrics. ‘Oh, what fun it is to ride…’ and they pause, waiting for applause, and then continue, ‘in a one-horse open sleigh, hey!’
And when you finally finish caroling, your neighbor invites you inside for a holiday feast that Martha Stewart would envy. It’s like a scene out of a Hollywood holiday rom-com.
So, in Hollywood, even caroling is a star-studded affair. You never know who you’ll be harmonizing with – it could be your favorite actor or the lead singer of a chart-topping band. And as you leave their house, you can’t help but think, ‘Only in Hollywood, folks, only in Hollywood!'” 🎶🌟🏠
Santa’s Red Carpet Arrival:
Santa arrives on a red carpet, posing for photos with fans before going down the chimney. Paparazzi included. He’s the real superstar!
🎤 “Ladies and gentlemen, here comes another festive Hollywood gem – Santa’s Red Carpet Arrival!
So, in Hollywood, Santa doesn’t just quietly slide down chimneys like he’s on a secret mission. Oh no, he arrives in style, and I mean red carpet style! Picture this: a plush red carpet rolled out from the rooftop to your chimney, and Santa’s sleigh is essentially a luxury limo with reindeer.
But that’s not all. As Santa descends from the sleigh, there’s a swarm of paparazzi snapping photos like it’s the Oscars. Santa’s got his own entourage – elves acting as his personal assistants, holding his sack of gifts and fixing his hat before he meets the kids.
He poses for photos with fans, signing autographs like a true celebrity. ‘To Timmy, from Santa, ho-ho-ho!’ Can you imagine getting a personalized autograph from Santa himself? That’s next-level holiday magic!
Now, as Santa prepares to go down the chimney, he doesn’t just shimmy down like your typical St. Nick. No, he does a dramatic entrance, like he’s in an action movie. He’s got a smoke machine, twinkling lights, and even some pyrotechnics. ‘Santa’s got some sizzle,’ they say!
And as he disappears into the chimney, you can hear the cheers of the fans and the distant flash of cameras. It’s like watching the grand finale of a blockbuster film.
But here’s the twist – even the reindeer get their moment on the red carpet. They strut their stuff, and Rudolph with his shiny nose is practically a supermodel. ‘Move over, Rudolph; the cameras love you!’
So, in Hollywood, Santa’s not just a gift-giver; he’s a bona fide superstar. His red carpet arrival is the stuff of legends, and the chimney descent is pure Hollywood magic. It’s a holiday spectacle that leaves you wondering if you’re on the set of a holiday blockbuster. Only in Hollywood, my friends, only in Hollywood!” 🎅📸🌟
Gift Wrapping with Movie Posters:
Forget wrapping paper; in Hollywood, gifts come wrapped in movie posters. It’s like getting a sneak peek of next summer’s blockbusters before they’re even out!
🎤 “Alright, folks, hold onto your Santa hats because we’re unwrapping another Hollywood holiday tradition – Gift Wrapping with Movie Posters!
Now, we all know that Hollywood loves to tease us with movie trailers and sneak peeks, but during the holiday season, they take it to a whole new level. Instead of traditional wrapping paper, your gifts come adorned with movie posters. Yes, you heard me right – movie posters!
Imagine tearing into a beautifully wrapped gift and, instead of plain paper, you’re greeted with the larger-than-life image of the next summer blockbuster. It’s like getting a preview of the hottest movies before they even hit theaters. ‘Oh, you got me ‘Jurassic Jingle Bells’!’
But it doesn’t stop there. The wrapping paper is high-quality, glossy, and makes that satisfying crinkling sound as you open it. It’s like a red carpet experience for your presents. ‘And the award for Best-Wrapped Gift goes to…’
And the best part? You can choose your gift based on the movie poster. ‘Hmm, I think I’ll open the one with the superhero movie poster first.’ It’s like a choose-your-own-adventure gift-opening experience.
But here’s the twist – the movie posters are so big and elaborate that you need a team of elves to help you unwrap. It’s like a mini-movie premiere in your living room. Popcorn, anyone?
And after you’ve unwrapped your gifts, you can hang the movie posters as decorations in your home. ‘Oh, that ‘Elf of the Rings’ poster looks perfect in the living room!’
So, in Hollywood, gift-giving is not just about the present inside; it’s about the presentation itself. It’s a cinematic experience, a blockbuster gift-unwrapping extravaganza. And if you’re lucky, you might even get a poster for next year’s holiday hit. Now, that’s a gift that keeps on giving!” 🎁📽️🌟
Elf Assistants:
Santa’s helpers are more likely to be aspiring actors and actresses trying to catch their big break. ‘Toys today, Oscars tomorrow!’
🎤 “Alright, everyone, let’s dive into the next slice of Hollywood holiday hilarity – Elf Assistants!
In Hollywood, Santa’s workshop isn’t just a place for making toys; it’s a breeding ground for future celebrities. You see, Santa’s helpers aren’t your typical elves; they’re aspiring actors and actresses, and their motto is ‘Toys today, Oscars tomorrow!’
Picture this: you walk into Santa’s workshop, and there’s an elf reciting Shakespeare while assembling toy trains. Another elf is practicing monologues between wrapping gifts. It’s like a tiny, festive acting class.
But these elves are serious about their craft. They audition for roles during their lunch breaks, and they’re always ready to break into a song-and-dance routine at a moment’s notice. ‘You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I’m telling you why… I’m auditioning for a musical!’
And when it comes to delivering gifts, they don’t just drop them off; they put on a full-blown theatrical performance. ‘Behold, the delivery of your presents!’ It’s like a Broadway show right in your living room.
But here’s the twist – these elf actors have big dreams. They’re not just here for the holiday season; they’re here to catch their big break. You might spot them in auditions for blockbuster movies or even TV commercials. ‘From the North Pole to Hollywood, I’m ready for my close-up!’
And who knows, that elf who handed you a gift today might be walking the red carpet at next year’s Oscars. It’s a Hollywood holiday miracle in the making.
So, in Hollywood, even Santa’s helpers are aspiring stars. They bring a touch of drama and entertainment to the holiday season. Who needs sugarplum fairies when you have elf actors belting out show tunes? It’s a Tinseltown twist on a classic tale. Bravo, elves, bravo!” 🎅🎭🌟
Movie Marathon Instead of Fireplace:
Who needs a cozy fireplace when you can have a big-screen TV playing Christmas movie marathons? I mean, “Home Alone” with surround sound? Yes, please!
🎤 “Ladies and gentlemen, let’s switch on the next holiday highlight – Movie Marathon Instead of Fireplace!
Now, in most places, the centerpiece of a cozy holiday evening is a crackling fireplace. But in Hollywood, we’ve got a different kind of warmth – the glow of a big-screen TV playing Christmas movie marathons. I mean, who needs logs when you can have ‘Home Alone’ with surround sound? Yes, please!
Picture this: you walk into a Hollywood home during the holiday season, and there’s no fireplace in sight. Instead, you’re greeted by a massive TV screen playing a non-stop lineup of classic Christmas films. It’s like having your own personal movie theater.
And the best part? You can choose the movie. ‘Elf,’ ‘A Christmas Story,’ ‘Die Hard’ (yes, it’s a Christmas movie in Hollywood), you name it, and it’s on the playlist. It’s like having Santa’s entire DVD collection at your disposal.
But here’s the twist – it’s not just about watching the movies; it’s about the experience. You’ve got popcorn machines, candy stations, and even a hot chocolate bar with all the toppings you can imagine. It’s like a concession stand on steroids.
And if you’re feeling extra Hollywood, you can invite your friends over for a movie night under the stars. Yes, we take our movie marathons outside, complete with cozy blankets and heated loungers. It’s like a VIP screening of ‘A Christmas Carol’ in your own backyard.
So, in Hollywood, we’ve traded the crackling fire for the flickering glow of cinematic masterpieces. It’s a holiday tradition where ‘Netflix and chill’ takes on a whole new meaning. So, grab the popcorn, hit play, and let the holiday movie magic begin!” 🍿📺🎄
Santa’s Sunglasses:
Santa doesn’t need a red nose to stay cool in Hollywood; he’s got his shades on and is ready for a sunny California Christmas.
🎤 “Alright, folks, let’s dive into the next Hollywood holiday twist – Santa’s Sunglasses!
You see, in most parts of the world, Santa is known for his rosy red cheeks and that iconic red nose. But in Hollywood, Santa doesn’t need a red nose to stay cool – he’s got his shades on, and he’s ready for a sunny California Christmas.
Picture this: Santa Claus, decked out in his traditional red suit, but with a pair of stylish sunglasses perched on his nose. It’s like he’s ready to hit the beach after delivering presents. ‘Ho-ho-ho, and a surf’s up, dude!’
But these are no ordinary sunglasses; they’re designer shades, the kind you’d find in the pages of a Hollywood fashion magazine. Santa’s got style, and he’s not afraid to show it.
And it’s not just Santa who’s rocking the shades; even the reindeer have their own cool sunglasses. Rudolph’s got mirrored aviators, and Dasher’s sporting some trendy wayfarers. They’re the most stylish sleigh team you’ve ever seen.
But here’s the twist – these sunglasses aren’t just for show. They’re high-tech, with built-in GPS and communication devices. Santa can stay connected to his elves and get real-time updates on gift deliveries. It’s like he’s the James Bond of the North Pole.
And as Santa takes off into the Hollywood night sky, he leaves a trail of twinkling lights, like a runway show for the stars. ‘Santa’s bringing fashion to the North Pole, one pair of shades at a time!’
So, in Hollywood, even Santa gets a makeover, and he’s not afraid to embrace the sunny side of Christmas. It’s a California-cool holiday twist that’ll have you saying, ‘Santa, you’re looking fly!’ 🎅🕶️🌴”
Giant Inflatable Snowmen on Movie Sets:
You’ll find giant inflatable snowmen on movie sets, and they’re not just for the film – they’re part of the holiday decor! Imagine taking a stroll on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and you’re greeted by a 20-foot snowman. Classic Hollywood!
🎤 “Ladies and gentlemen, let’s unwrap the next Hollywood holiday quirk – Giant Inflatable Snowmen on Movie Sets!
Now, we all know that Hollywood is famous for its elaborate movie sets, but during the holiday season, things get even more extravagant. You’ll find giant inflatable snowmen on movie sets, and they’re not just for the film – they’re part of the holiday decor! Imagine taking a stroll on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and you’re greeted by a 20-foot snowman. Classic Hollywood!
Picture this: you’re walking down the street, and suddenly, you stumble upon a movie set. But instead of the usual lights, cameras, and action, you’re greeted by a massive, inflatable snowman towering over everything. It’s like a winter wonderland collided with Tinseltown.
And it’s not just one snowman; it’s a whole army of them. You’ve got snowmen of all shapes and sizes, from the jolly old Frosty to the hipster snowman with a scarf and skinny jeans. It’s a snowman extravaganza!
But here’s the twist – these snowmen are not just props; they’re part of the holiday decor for the entire neighborhood. The movie studios go all out, decorating the streets with twinkling lights, garlands, and of course, giant snowmen. It’s like living in a Christmas movie 24/7.
And if you happen to be strolling through Hollywood during the holidays, you’ll see tourists taking selfies with these giant snowmen, just like they’re A-list celebrities. ‘Move over, Hollywood stars; the snowmen are stealing the show!’
So, in Hollywood, even movie sets get a festive makeover, and giant inflatable snowmen are the new stars of the season. It’s a Hollywood holiday spectacle that’ll make you feel like you’re walking through a winter dream. Only in Hollywood, my friends, only in Hollywood!” ☃️🎬🌟
Holiday-Themed Premieres:
Hollywood studios release holiday-themed versions of their movie premieres. ‘Star Wars: The Santa Strikes Back’ anyone? I heard Yoda has a new catchphrase – ‘Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Force be with you!’
🎤 “Alright, everyone, let’s unwrap the next Hollywood holiday twist – Holiday-Themed Premieres!
Now, we all know that Hollywood loves its premieres, but during the holiday season, things take a festive turn. Hollywood studios release holiday-themed versions of their movie premieres, and it’s a whole new level of movie magic. ‘Star Wars: The Santa Strikes Back’ anyone? I heard Yoda has a new catchphrase – ‘Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Force be with you!’
Picture this: you’re all dressed up, ready to attend the premiere of the latest blockbuster, and as you walk the red carpet, you’re greeted by Santa’s helpers handing out candy canes and gingerbread cookies. It’s like a holiday carnival on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
But the real surprise comes when you enter the theater. Instead of the usual movie trailers, you’re treated to a special holiday-themed trailer for the film you’re about to watch. Darth Vader wearing a Santa hat? Check. Lightsabers wrapped in tinsel? You bet!
And during the movie, there are unexpected holiday references sprinkled throughout. The hero saves the day with a well-timed ‘Merry Christmas,’ and the villain’s evil plan involves stealing all the holiday presents. It’s a cinematic twist that’ll have you laughing and cheering.
But here’s the twist – even the actors get in on the holiday fun. They show up to the premiere in festive attire, wearing ugly Christmas sweaters and Santa hats. It’s like a holiday-themed costume party on the red carpet.
And if you’re lucky, you might even get a special holiday-themed souvenir at the end of the premiere – like a ‘Star Wars’ ornament or a ‘Frozen’ snow globe. It’s like getting a piece of Hollywood magic to take home.
So, in Hollywood, movie premieres are not just about watching films; they’re about celebrating the holiday season in style. It’s a red carpet extravaganza with a festive twist that’ll have you saying, ‘I love Hollywood’s holiday spirit!'” 🌟🎥🎄
Christmas Cameos:
It’s not unusual to spot celebrities making surprise appearances as mall Santas or Christmas tree lot attendants. ‘Is that Brad Pitt selling Christmas trees?’ ‘Why, yes, yes it is!’
🎤 “Ladies and gentlemen, let’s unwrap the final piece of Hollywood holiday hilarity – Christmas Cameos!
In Hollywood, even the A-list celebrities can’t resist the holiday spirit. It’s not unusual to spot famous actors and musicians making surprise appearances as mall Santas or Christmas tree lot attendants. ‘Is that Brad Pitt selling Christmas trees?’ ‘Why, yes, yes it is!’
Picture this: you’re out shopping for the perfect Christmas tree, and as you’re browsing through the lot, you spot a familiar face. It’s not just any face; it’s a Hollywood superstar donning a Santa hat and helping customers pick out their trees. It’s like a celebrity treasure hunt!
But it’s not just Christmas tree lots; even the malls get in on the action. You might find yourself waiting in line to meet Santa, and when he takes off his beard and hat for a break, you realize it’s none other than your favorite movie star. ‘Santa, can you sign my DVD?’
And these celebrities take their roles seriously. They’ll pose for photos, sign autographs, and even break into their famous movie lines while handing out candy canes. ‘Here’s looking at you, kid – and here’s a candy cane!’
But here’s the twist – they do it all incognito. They use fake names and wear disguises to blend in with the holiday crowds. You might not even realize you’re talking to a Hollywood legend until they reveal their true identity. ‘Oh, you’re not just any elf; you’re an Oscar-winning actor elf!’
And it’s not just about the fans; the celebrities themselves love getting into the holiday spirit. They get to experience the joy of giving and see the smiles on people’s faces. It’s like a Hollywood holiday tradition that brings everyone together.
So, in Hollywood, even the stars come down from their lofty heights to spread holiday cheer. It’s a surprise cameo-filled season that’ll have you saying, ‘Only in Hollywood can you meet Santa Brad Pitt!'” 🎅🌟🎄
Originally posted 2023-12-13 11:47:58.