Barbie & Elvis – Barbie’s Blue Suede Shoes

Barbie’s Blue Suede Shoes

Standup Comedy Delivered at Graceland – December 12th, 2023

🎤 “Good evening, ladies, gents, and dolls of all ages! So, I was reading the script for the Barbie Sequel and guess what? Barbie has an ‘Elvis thing’ now. Yes, it’s true. I can’t help falling in love… with his fashion sense. Have you seen those jumpsuits? I mean, if anyone can rock a rhinestone-studded jumpsuit with a cape, it’s Barbie! I tried one on and suddenly, Ken’s looking at me like I’m a sandwich at a Vegas buffet—confused, but intrigued.

And let’s talk about those blue suede shoes. I put them on and suddenly, I’m walking around the Dreamhouse like it’s my own personal Graceland. I even caught myself saying, ‘Thank you, thank you very much’ to the mirror. I’m two hip swivels away from starting my own tribute act.

But here’s the thing, you haven’t lived until you’ve tried vacuuming in a full Elvis getup. The cape really adds a dramatic flair to household chores. And those shoes? Not exactly made for comfort. I walked like I had stepped on Lego, which, in the Dreamhouse, is a very real possibility.

So, here’s to the King of Rock ‘n’ Roll, inspiring not only music and fashion but also Barbie’s newest life crisis. Blue suede shoes: because who needs practical footwear when you can have style… and a slight limp?”

Heartbreak Hotel or Dreamhouse?

😂 “I’ve decided to redecorate the Dreamhouse. I’m thinking less pink, more Graceland. That’s right, folks, we’re swapping out fairy lights for neon signs and replacing the bubble bath with a guitar-shaped pool. But let’s be real, Ken’s not exactly the King of Rock ‘n’ Roll. He’s more like the Duke of Dollhouse Decor. When I told him about the redecoration, he looked like I’d asked him to swap his trusty plastic comb for a guitar.

I said to him, ‘Ken, darling, if you can’t be my hound dog, at least don’t step on my blue suede shoes.’ He just blinked and asked if Elvis is the new guy in town. I mean, come on, Ken!

Then there’s the living room. I put up a life-size Elvis cardboard cutout next to the TV. Ken walked in and nearly had a ‘Heartbreak Hotel’ moment. He thought it was a new roommate!

I’m even considering turning our plastic kitchen into a 50s diner. Ken’s worried about where we’ll cook, but I told him, ‘Honey, with Elvis in the kitchen, who needs to eat?’

But, you know, despite the Elvis invasion, Ken’s taking it like a champ. He even tried on one of those Elvis wigs. Let’s just say, if Barbie and Ken ever do a duet, it won’t be for our singing talents!”

Viva Las Barbie

🌟 “Imagine me, Barbie, in Las Vegas, under the neon lights, singing ‘Viva Las Barbie.’ Picture it: A stage adorned with glittering pink lights, a giant guitar-shaped sign with my name in lights, and me, center stage, in the most dazzling jumpsuit this side of the Mississippi. I’d have a residency quicker than you can say ‘Suspicious Minds.’

And let’s face it, with my fashion sense, those Elvis impersonators wouldn’t stand a chance. I mean, they might have the moves, but can they pull off a sequined gown with a feather boa? I think not.

I’d start every show with a dramatic entrance, maybe descending from the ceiling on a giant pink Cadillac, singing ‘A Little Less Conversation’ and ‘Jailhouse Rock.’ The crowd would go wild! Ken would be in the front row, wearing oversized sunglasses, cheering the loudest, even though he’d still be slightly confused about the whole Elvis thing.

And for my finale? A dazzling rendition of ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love,’ complete with a chorus of Kens in gold lamé suits. Because why have one Ken when you can have a whole backing band?

In my show, ‘Viva Las Barbie,’ it’s not just about singing Elvis songs, it’s about bringing the Barbie flair to Vegas. The city of lights meets the doll of dreams. It would be a spectacle so grand, even the real Elvis would have to nod in approval from his rhinestone-studded cloud in the sky.”

Jailhouse Rock… or Plastic?

🎵 “I tried to teach Ken ‘Jailhouse Rock.’ You should have seen it; it was more like ‘Playhouse Flop.’ There we were in the Dreamhouse living room, which, by the way, now looks like a mini Graceland, thanks to my recent decorating spree. I’m all decked out in my makeshift Elvis costume, ready to rock and roll, and there’s Ken, looking like he’s just stepped into a parallel universe.

I said, ‘Ken, darling, you’re supposed to shake, rattle, and roll, not stand, stare, and stumble.’ But Ken, bless his heart, he’s got the rhythm of a metronome… that’s turned off. His idea of ‘shaking’ is more like a cautious bobbing, and ‘rolling’? Well, let’s just say, Ken rolls about as well as a square wheel.

At one point, I’m energetically belting out the lyrics, doing my best Elvis impression, and there’s Ken, trying to mimic my moves. Imagine a robot trying to do the twist – that’s Ken doing the Jailhouse Rock. He was all stiff limbs and awkward turns. I couldn’t decide whether to laugh or record it for posterity.

I guess some things are better left to the professionals… or at least to someone not made of plastic. But you know what? There’s something endearing about watching Ken give it his all, even if his ‘all’ is a bit more ‘Playhouse’ than ‘Jailhouse.’ In the end, we just laughed, danced in our own unique ways, and decided that maybe our next duet should stick to something a little less rock and a little more… robotic.”

Barbie’s Blue Hawaii

🌺 “Have you ever seen Elvis in ‘Blue Hawaii’? It’s iconic! So, I got this brilliant idea for my own spin-off: ‘Barbie’s Pink Hawaii.’ Picture this: The sun setting over a sparkling pink sand beach, palm trees swaying, and there I am, strutting down the shoreline. But instead of a surfboard under my arm, I’m elegantly balancing in high heels – because who needs practicality when you’re Barbie in Hawaii, right?

And instead of a guitar, what do I have? A hairbrush, of course! It’s the quintessential Barbie accessory. I can just see it now, serenading the seashells with my rendition of ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love,’ using my hairbrush-microphone. The waves would be my backup singers, and the seagulls, my adoring fans.

But wait, there’s more. In ‘Barbie’s Pink Hawaii,’ instead of traditional hula dancing, we’d have a fashion runway on the beach. Models would sashay down in the latest beachwear, turning the tide into a tide of trends.

And Ken? Oh, he’d be there too, decked out in his best Hawaiian shirt – which, let’s be honest, is his only Hawaiian shirt – trying to strum a ukulele and looking more confused than a flamingo in a snowstorm.

So, ‘Barbie’s Pink Hawaii,’ where the sunsets are as pink as my wardrobe, and the only waves I’m riding are waves of fabulousness. Aloha, everyone, and welcome to paradise, Barbie style!”

Love Me Tender, or Just Send Texts

💕 “Elvis really knew how to woo a lady with ‘Love Me Tender.’ It’s like every word he sang was a poetic embrace. But let’s fast forward to today. Modern romance? You’re lucky if you get a text back within the same day. And when you do, it’s usually something like ‘ok’ or ‘lol.’ I mean, where’s the effort, folks?

So, I had a little chat with Ken. I told him, ‘Darling, if you can’t serenade me like Elvis, at least don’t leave me all shook up with your one-word replies.’ Communication is key, right? But Ken, bless his plastic heart, he’s more of a texter than a talker. I’m talking about a man who thinks an emoji is a full-blown conversation.

I mean, a ‘K’ is not a love song, Ken! It’s not even a full word. It’s like getting a crumb when you were hoping for a cake. And don’t get me started on his use of emojis. Once, instead of a sweet message, I got a cactus emoji. A cactus! I’m still trying to figure out if that was his way of saying I’m prickly or if he just hit the wrong emoji.

I tried to explain to him, ‘Ken, honey, back in Elvis’s day, they wrote letters, sang songs, and danced under the stars. They didn’t just send a gif and call it romance.’ He looked at me, nodded solemnly, and then sent me a gif of Elvis. Progress? Maybe. At least it wasn’t another cactus.

So, until Ken masters the art of the serenade, I guess I’ll just have to keep dreaming of ‘Love Me Tender’ and settling for ‘love me in 280 characters or less.’ But hey, in a world of texts and tweets, a gif from Ken is practically a love letter, right?”

A Little Less Conversation

🗣️ “Elvis sang ‘A Little Less Conversation,’ a song that’s all about action, and boy, did he live up to those words. The man had moves that could make even a statue sway. Inspired by his groove, I thought, why not bring a bit of that magic into the Dreamhouse? So, I tried to get Ken into a dance class. You should’ve seen his face – it was like I’d suggested we take up synchronized swimming with sharks.

He said to me, ‘Barbie, I’m not much of a mover.’ And I’m like, ‘Honey, with those stiff joints, you’re not much of a stander either.’ It’s true! Watching Ken dance is like watching a blender try to waltz – lots of buzzing but not much elegance.

But, determined to inject a little Elvis energy into our lives, I set up our living room like a dance studio. Mirrors, disco ball, the works. I started playing ‘Jailhouse Rock’ and doing my best hip sways and toe taps. Meanwhile, Ken’s version of dancing was more… let’s call it ‘minimalist.’ It’s like his feet were having a debate about whether or not they should move.

I even tried to show him some classic Elvis moves. You know, the lip curl, the hip thrust. Ken’s lip curl looked more like he was suspicious of the furniture, and his hip thrust… well, let’s just say we almost had to call a plastic surgeon.

In the end, I decided that our dance sessions would be more of a solo venture for me, with Ken as the enthusiastic (and stationary) audience. But hey, in the world of Barbie and Ken, it’s the effort that counts. And who knows? Maybe one day, with a little less conversation and a little more action, I’ll get Ken to shake, rattle, and roll – or at least wiggle a bit!”

Can’t Help Falling in Love with Shoes

👠 “It’s not just Elvis’s music I love, it’s his style. Those shoes! I told Ken, ‘For our anniversary, forget the flowers, I want blue suede shoes.’ He got confused and bought me blue suede boots. Close enough, Ken, close enough.”

👠 “Elvis wasn’t just the King of Rock ‘n’ Roll; he was the king of style too. And what’s a style icon without their signature shoes? Those blue suede shoes of his, they’re like a fashion anthem. So, naturally, I developed a little shoe obsession of my own. I told Ken, ‘For our anniversary, forget the flowers, I want blue suede shoes.’ You should have seen the look on his face – a mix of confusion and fear, like I’d just asked him to solve a Rubik’s cube in record time.

Ken, dear that he is, set out on a mission. But, bless him, he got a bit lost in translation. Instead of the sleek, Elvis-style shoes, he comes back with blue suede boots. Not just any boots, mind you, but ones that would make even a cowboy think twice. I mean, they were the right color, but they were more ‘Barbie goes to the rodeo’ than ‘Barbie does Blue Hawaii.’

But you know what? Close enough, Ken, close enough. In his own Ken-like way, he’d tried. And let’s face it, in the world of fashion, sometimes it’s the thought that counts. Plus, now I had a new challenge – how to incorporate cowboy boots into my wardrobe. Elvis might have left the building, but Barbie’s just entered the fashion frontier.

So, there I was, strutting around the Dreamhouse in my blue suede boots, feeling like a cross between a rock star and a cowgirl. Ken saw me and said, ‘Well, they’re certainly… unique.’ And I said, ‘Ken, darling, in the world of fashion, unique is just another word for fabulous.’

In the end, those boots became a symbol of our quirky love story. They might not have been what I expected, but they brought their own kind of Elvis-esque charm to my closet. And hey, in a world where you can’t help falling in love with shoes, a little variety only adds to the fun!”

The King and the Dreamhouse

🏠 “Elvis had Graceland, a legendary home that’s as much a part of his legacy as his music. And me? I have the Dreamhouse. It’s no Graceland, but it’s got its own sparkle. He had a jungle room, decked out in green shag carpets and exotic plants. I, on the other hand, have a fashion room. It’s like stepping into a rainbow if the rainbow was made of fabric and sequins. Where Elvis had his wild décor, I have racks of glittering gowns and walls lined with every shoe imaginable. It’s my own little paradise of style.

And let’s talk about transportation. Elvis had a fleet of Cadillacs, each more lavish than the last. Me? I have a pink convertible. It might not be a Cadillac, but it turns heads down on Malibu Beach just the same. It’s got that Barbie flair – you know, the kind that says ‘I’m here, I’m fabulous, and yes, I can park this thing.’

But here’s the real kicker: Graceland had themed rooms for every mood, and so does the Dreamhouse. We might not have a billiards room, but we have a room just for trying on hats – because why not? And where Elvis had his music room, I have a karaoke lounge, complete with a sparkling disco ball. It’s where I go to channel my inner Elvis, hairbrush microphone in hand.

So, okay, maybe I’m more Queen of the Dreamhouse than King of Rock ‘n’ Roll. But in this plastic palace of mine, every day’s a little bit of rock and a whole lot of roll. It’s where I reign supreme, one high-heeled step at a time. And who knows? Maybe one day, we’ll add a blue suede shoe room, just to give Elvis a nod in the Dreamhouse style.”

Barbie’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Dream

🌈 “Imagine this: I’m in the most dazzling dream of my life. The stage is set, the lights are shining, and there he is, the King himself, Elvis Presley. And who’s standing right next to him? Me, Barbie, decked out in a sparkling jumpsuit that rivals even Elvis’s most flamboyant outfit. The crowd is roaring, the band is playing, and we’re about to sing a duet.

Elvis turns to me, with that legendary charm, and says, ‘Barbie, let’s rock.’ My heart’s pounding like a drum solo. We start singing, our voices blending together in perfect harmony. I’m belting out notes I didn’t even know I could hit, moving with a groove I didn’t know I had. The audience is going wild, and for a moment, I’m not just a doll; I’m a rock ‘n’ roll star, lighting up the stage with Elvis.

But then, just as we hit the chorus, reality sneaks up on me. I wake up. There I am, in my Dreamhouse, not on a stage but in my bedroom, and the only duet I’m doing is with my hairdryer. It’s less ‘Heartbreak Hotel’ and more ‘Haircare Home.’ I’m singing into the hairdryer like it’s a microphone, giving my reflection a concert-worthy performance. Ken’s in the next room, probably wondering if I’ve gone a little bit loopy.

But you know, there’s something magical about that dream. It’s a reminder that in my heart, I’ve got a little bit of rock ‘n’ roll spirit, just waiting to break free. Sure, my stage might be my bedroom, and my audience might just be a bunch of fashion accessories, but in those moments, with the hairdryer in hand and Elvis in my heart, I’m more than just Barbie. I’m Barbie, the rock ‘n’ roll dreamer, keeping the legend alive, one hair flip at a time.”

Always on My Mind

💭 “Elvis’s ‘Always on My Mind’ is the kind of song that makes you feel cherished, like you’re the center of someone’s world. But then there’s Ken. Dear, sweet Ken. Sometimes I wonder if I’m less ‘always on his mind’ and more ‘might come to mind eventually.’ I mean, I know he’s all caught up with his ‘Movie Mission to Mars’ project. He’s busy planning his space suit color (should it be cosmic blue or asteroid silver?) and whether his space helmet hair will hold up in zero gravity (spoiler: it won’t).

But amidst all this intergalactic excitement, a girl can’t help but crave a little earthly attention. I’m not asking for moon rocks or stars; just a sweet glance or a ‘thinking of you’ would do. And maybe, just maybe, a serenade every now and then. Is it too much to ask for a little ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love’ while we’re having our morning coffee?

The other day, I dropped hints like they were hot potatoes. I even played ‘Love Me Tender’ on repeat and sighed dramatically. Ken, bless him, just asked if I was feeling alright and if I needed more batteries for my stereo. Batteries, Ken? Really? I was hoping for some heartfelt words, maybe a little dance in the living room, but I guess we can start with batteries.

I get it, though. Ken’s a man of action, not words. His way of showing love is fixing the convertible’s engine or rewiring the Dreamhouse for optimal disco ball performance. But as Elvis crooned those tender lyrics, I can’t help but daydream about Ken putting down his Mars maps, looking into my eyes, and reminding me that, space missions aside, I’m his star, always on his mind.

Until then, I’ll keep humming my Elvis tunes, fluffing my hair for that perfect Dreamhouse look, and knowing deep down, in his own Ken-like way, I’m there somewhere between ‘Remember to water the plastic plants’ and ‘Find out if Mars has WiFi’ on his to-do list.”

Thank You, Thank You Very Much

🙏 “So, there you have it, my life with a touch of Elvis. It’s not all rock ‘n’ roll, but it sure is fun. Remember, whether you’re a hound dog or a Barbie doll, keep dreaming, keep singing, and always, always keep your shoes blue. Thank you, thank you very much!”

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This routine encapsulates Barbie’s humorous take on incorporating her love for Elvis into her world, juxtaposing her iconic doll-like existence with the King of Rock ‘n’ Roll’s legendary charisma and style.

Barbie undergoes a transformative journey…

In the Barbie Sequel script, Barbie undergoes a transformative journey that reveals her deep-seated admiration for Elvis Presley, affecting her in profound and whimsical ways. This newfound “Elvis thing” is not just a fleeting fascination; it’s an awakening that reshapes her identity and perspectives.

Barbie, traditionally known for her fashion sense and picture-perfect Dreamhouse, finds herself enthralled by the boldness and flair of Elvis’s style. His iconic jumpsuits, shimmering with rhinestones and exuding confidence, inspire her to infuse her own wardrobe with a touch of rock ‘n’ roll glamor. It’s a stark contrast to her usual pink-dominated attire, signifying a shift towards a more daring, expressive Barbie.

Musically, Elvis’s impact is profound. His soulful melodies and groundbreaking rock tunes resonate with Barbie, stirring a sense of freedom and rebellion in her. Songs like “Jailhouse Rock” and “Can’t Help Falling in Love” become her new anthems, reflecting a more adventurous, spontaneous side of her personality.

Elvis’s influence extends beyond aesthetics and music; it seeps into Barbie’s outlook on life. She embraces his charisma and unapologetic individuality, learning to take risks and step out of her comfort zone. This Elvis-inspired transformation reveals a Barbie who is not just a doll in a Dreamhouse but a dynamic character with a zest for life, unafraid to challenge conventions and embrace her unique self.

Originally posted 2023-12-13 08:34:40.